Top 5: Gut Wrenching Songs

Hey kittens....been a while. Summer is busy every weekend seeing live music and I am working on a bunch of interviews and Top 5s.

But this one was sitting in my drafts so I figured let's do it.

This was Jenny's idea so she owes her OWN Top 5 on this topic. We are in the car a lot driving to and from shows, gossiping and of course, listening to music. Every once in a while a song comes on that gut punches one of us. And we started talking about what some of those songs were and our why.

Here are mine - in no order....

Just the Way You Are - Billy Joel 

I still will listen to and love this song because my dad loved Billy Joel so much AND I remember his band distinctly playing this song A LOT. It's a core memory that's both happy and sad. As soon as I hear those first few opening notes, I feel my heart ache for my dad. I clearly remember being at gigs with him as a kid while he played drums and his band playing this.

Lullaby - Billy Joel 

Sticking with dad on this one. A lot of people don't know I was married briefly in my 20s. I danced to this song with my dad at my wedding. I chose it because A. he loved Billy Joel and B. it's just beautiful but also very sad. I wish I had listened to my dad as he was about to walk me down the aisle and said are you sure? No I wasn't but I said dad it's too late now! But then again I would have never had my daddy daughter dance with him. He was crying. I was crying. I cannot listen to this song at all. The two lines that kill me are "I promised I would never leave you" and "someday we'll all be gone."

Do I Wanna Know - Artic Monkeys

I was in an extremely intense relationship in 2019. I was so completely in love with Jay - he was my soul mate. Unfortunately, he passed away while we were together and it was very tragic - his death, how I found out, the aftermath, my depression for months after. It was traumatizing. We very much bonded over music and he loved Artic Monkeys - I had never heard of them before him. One night he sent me this song (he always sent me songs that he wanted me to listen to and/or reminded him of me) and said it made him think about me and it became one of our unofficial songs. It's a very intense, passionate love song where you are questioning if the other person feels the same way and says I'm too busy being yours to find somebody new. We constantly said to each other "I'm yours." The irony of our relationship is that he told me regularly he was scared I was going to leave him and ultimately, he was the one who left me. 

Dreams - The Cranberries

This is bittersweet. It was my anthem in college (especially senior year) - when I was young and full of hope of what my life was to be. I know the song's main theme is love but there are some lines in there that make you think about life, hope, fear, youthful euphoria. The lyrics: Oh, my life, Is changin’ every day, In every possible way...

You knew life was about to change in a massive way because college was ending. And I loved college. I didn't want it to end. Some of the best days of my life (FDU baby - '93 to '97). But you knew adulthood was starting and you were hopeful that all the things you dreamed about were going to happen - you'd find your dream job, your dream husband, buy a house, have kids, live happily ever after. Well, that didn't really happen for me. So when I hear that song I think of 21 year old Danielle with all her hopes and dreams that never materialized -except the kid!! 😀The lyrics literally say all my dreams, never quite as they seem so it's a tough one to hear, very melancholy. 

Fade Into You - Mazzy Star

Mazzy Star is an underrated band IMO. I still love them. They are just....dreamy. I first heard of them in high school when my first love made me a mixed tape. Yes I am that old. Ahhh young love. Dumb love. We hurt each other many times for the next six years on and off in a complicated situationship I suppose. That song haunts me. It's about pain, and yearning, and love. I mean, it kinda spelled out our ups and downs from when I met him junior year of high school through college and then finally when he ended it at the end of college (my fuck up - but dude let's be clear here, he went away for the marines and got MARRIED at one point - so I'm not tote at fault lol). But when I hear that song it reminds me of him in a good way and reminds me that a long time ago a man actually did love me.

So there you have it folks - five songs that can completely derail my mood in three note. It's funny how a song can instantly take you back to a person, a place, a version of yourself you don't even remember. Your dad playing in his band; your first love and his mixtapes; your tragic love; or the 21 year old version of yourself who thought she had her whole life mapped out.

Some of these make me smile. Some sad. Some evoke tears. That's the beauty of music. It keeps those memories tucked away and then suddenly you hear that song and the memory floods your brain and heart.

What's the song that absolutely gut punches you every single time and your why?

And Jenny....I'm waiting for your five....